he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
