How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
