i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
