I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
