He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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