Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
