matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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