He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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