Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
