I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
