I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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