So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
