Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
