very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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