I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i came on her dog
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
