omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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