Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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