if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
