My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
