I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
