saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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