Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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