My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I did not marry a roomba.
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