Sry I called you an 8
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is classic penis vs brain.
i now understand why vodka
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
