what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
