What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize