how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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