i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
