My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
