im drinking this country out of the recession.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
