kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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