I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
