Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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