if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
