so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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