woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
