i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
