well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You ate ashes out of my bong
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
