I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
