i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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