We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
