I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
