come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
