I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
