you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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