You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
