i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
