why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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