He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
