She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
