Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
