um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
