Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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