ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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