so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
