At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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