I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
