i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize