So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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