dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
