if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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