My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
