I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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