Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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