We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
