I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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