She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
