in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
