I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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