id be glad to
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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