fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
