Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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