dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
