then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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