it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's always time for handjobs
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
