i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
